UK Fashion, Beauty & Lifestyle Blog

Thursday, 5 July 2018

The Time Is Now

Time is a bastard I won't break my neck to get around it.
(Thank you Paramore for that enticing opening line)
Anywhoo, I'm coming to you with some thoughts on time and I guess, more specifically.. about how we feel a pressure to be in a certain situation by a certain time in our lives. Surely that's not just me?
My age - a grand old Twenty Seven (I know I look about 12) - has been something that's been playing on my mind a hell of a lot recently. I'm at that age where a lot of my friends are settled down, happy in their careers and lets face it .. probably home owners. 
- Actual LOL at the thought of me ever becoming a home owner - 
But then equally - on the other side of the coin - I've also got friends (admittedly a few years younger than me) who have put more focus on setting up their own businesses and traveling than they have saving up for a mortgage.
I guess - that pressure of being 'settled' is less that it used to be when Mom In Blunderland was younger.. ( I remember her telling me that she felt really late to the marriage bandwagon  - even though she was only in her early twenties - because she was the last one out of her friends to tie the knot) but regardless it's still very much there and I for one am feeling it.
  I guess you could say I've always been a little obsessed with time - and our way of measuring it... pretty much every piece of artwork I made at art school surrounded our experience of time passing and how - if at all - we could have any control over it. I've always found it interesting how the passage of time is subjective. We have set ways of measuring it but it doesn't always feel the same y'know?  'Time flies when you're having fun' n' all that.. and let's be real - it sure as hell drags when you're not. This got me thinking about whether there was anything we could do to really -slow down- our experience of time. I know that since becoming a paramedic the years seem to have absolutely flown by and I put that down to the 12 hour shifts and being constantly on the go. But still.. does this mean that the more we fill our lives with stuff - the quicker our time will pass? It's not even like I'm always so deeply involved in an experience that I don't notice time passing... You'll rarely see me without a watch - Yes.. this *Cluse one is a total beauty - and I've always got my eye on the clock ( especially when it's coming up to the end of my shift)
I've got to be honest... the speed at which I seem to be hurtling through life is actually terrifying me. I feel so behind and late to the game. I'm late in starting a 'proper career', I've only just properly set up my photography business ( plug plug plug), I'm painfully single, I'm no where near saving up for a mortgage and my only spare money every month gets spent on cook books I'm yet to read and an array of hair dyes.
I think that with the rise of independent women and the whole  #girlboss movement - women have been grabbing life by the balls more than ever and either delaying or choosing not to conform to what used to be stereotypically expected of them. Personally I couldn't be more for this but it still doesn't stop me having the occasional freak out that I'm not 'doing enough' or doing things ' quickly' enough.
I guess that mostly it just comes down to accepting that a lot of -if not all of - the decisions I made that lead me to this point were through choice and actually... I still have that choice now. I could've stayed living with Mom in Blunderland and saved up for a house but instead I chose to move out and start renting. I could've stayed in relationships that weren't right for me but I chose not to. I could've moved to London and pursued a career in the arts but I chose to stay in Birmingham with my then boyfriend.
Maybe now's the time to choose something different.

I choose to not be defined by the amount of time I've spent on earth.
I choose to be more present, more aware and more conscious of the ways in which I choose to spend my time.
I choose to feel a sense of freedom as apposed to a sense of fear.
I choose to make decisions that benefit me inwardly, as opposed to what looks beneficial outwardly.
I choose to search for comfort and calm in the sometimes overwhelming anxiety I feel about change and 
I choose to embrace the passage of time and hold on tightly - no matter how rapidly it decides to take me.

What do you choose?



Sunday, 21 January 2018

Embracing Change

I've always been terrified and excited about change in equal measure. Okay well that's a lie straight off.... So I've always been mostly terrified of change whilst also having a small - teeny - undercurrent of excitement. From the outside it might look like I've made some pretty dramatic.. albeit 'life changing' decisions in my early twenties but I think that in reality.. it mostly came down to what would create the least amount of change in my life. I decided to make a massive change in my career path and become a Paramedic after previously devoting my life to art because lol I thought it would give me more time with my then boyfriend. Ironically the new job showed me all of the things I was missing from my relationship and that ended shortly after.. then finding myself an older more musical model that had me in stitches every damn day. Okay so I've digressed but you get the idea.. I changed one part of my life so that the rest of it could stay exactly the same... comfortable.. unchallenged and easy. 
In fact.. when I look back.. a lot of my decisions were based on the safety and security of keeping everything the same.. even if I wasn't all that happy. Bizarre that isn't it? But I guess I always felt like it's better the devil you know. Maybe it would even be fair to say that I made most of my decisions to keep my relationship stable and to keep that the same. ( Dear Ally - well done for putting 9 years of your life on hold) Regardless, my point really is that I've always had huge dreams and aspirations for things but always felt held back by my own fear of change.. my own fear of 'going it alone', and my own fear that maybe the grass is greener on the other side. 
Now.. as much as I'm not about having regrets in life and truly believe that every experience has worth because of the lessons your learn from it, I've felt a bit of a stirring in my emotional core recently suggesting that I don't want to spend the next ten years doing the same thing - playing it safe.
I want to take chances, make risky decisions and put myself out there. I want to make more of an effort with my creative content and I want to make more of an effort with people. I don't want to remain stuck in one job, one city.. and I want to travel the world just like I'd always dreamed I would. 
Mostly.. I want to find myself ( Oh God have I ever sounded more cliche.. probably because :me ). I guess I just feel like I've been so stuck in my ways, so stuck in the safety of my little home, people group and city that I haven't ever really figured out what I am beyond that. Or at least.. I lost it somewhere along the way.
I want to reconnect with art and re-find my love of fashion and style. God I've played it safe with my style over the last few years... I guess I got a bit insecure in myself in general and basically just became a bit of a shadow of myself - not what it's about really. I didn't know if the content I wanted to create would be well received anymore and I wasn't sure of my place in the blogging world.
SO,  going forward, your girl here's got some big time plans for the next year and as much as I'm full of fear I'm also beyond buzzing to see what I manage to achieve with an altered mind set and a new passion for change.
Debenhams Coat*, COS Jumper (OLD - Similar here), Forever 21 Dungarees, Converse
So, in the spirit of all of the positive changes, I began this year by booking a trip to NYC with my girl Ellie and headed there on the 11th of Jan. ( Feel free to head over to my instagram to see what we got upto whilst over there) and with a new sense of creative inspiration I did a little bit of an online clothes shop before I went - because who doesn't love adding a trillion things to your basket without considering your dwindling bank balance - helloooooo next day delivery.
Anyway, I picked up this colour block coat from Debenhams with an urge to style it up with some casual denim .. casual pink denim.. and I freakin love it!

I'd love to know how you guys deal with change and if you embrace it or do anything within your power to avoid it.
I've missed ya pals, but I'm back with a vengence.
(Meant in the least aggressive way possible)

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway


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