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Monday, 4 January 2016

Same Sh*t, Different Day

So this is a different kind of New Year's post to most of the ones you'll see floating around the internet right now. It's also a little late, but I've spent the last 3 days with some kind of stomach virus I guess so I've pretty much felt like I was dying and couldn't quite manage to reach for my laptop and type out my thoughts. Still... I'm a little better right now and am finally able to get my blog on.. so yeah, apologies for the lateness but at the same time.. this kind of applies to every day in the year so.. go figure.
I'm not one of those people who hate on everyone for their 'New Year, New Me' statuses even if I do find them a little comical and I actually love reading people's resolution blog posts and watching people's 'year in review' videos. I also think that for some, starting a new project or trying to break a habit is easier when starting a new year because everything feels.. well.. new.. and so I guess it feels like the world is starting afresh with you. 
But here's the thing: For me, it's not about starting afresh for a new year... giving myself 100 goals that I know I will have failed at by week 2... For me it's more about a continual growth. I regularly take time to think about how I'm living my life, whether I'm the best version of myself and how I can make myself feel more grounded, more comfortable and less overwhelmed. It's something that I work on every single day, and have done for as long as I can remember. Sure I'm probably not working hard enough, or seeing enough of a change in myself but the fact is that it's a continual and transient movement and one that I guess I want to put more effort into developing.
I think that change is good, and healthy ( as well as downright terrifying) and it's something that we should all embrace every day, not just once a year. 
I wonder how our lives would be different if we all had that 'new year feeling' say.. once a month. Do you think we would maintain our goals a little better.. and perhaps be a bit more aware of how we're feeling?
I think that it's fairly normal now in the world that we live in that we rush from one thing to another, vicariously scrolling and liking at every opportunity. Taking time to photograph our meals but not to enjoy them and buying life changing books and never reading them. Imagine the difference that could be made if we took a short period of time every day to collate.. organise.. and asses our thoughts. To learn from each day and start the next one afresh, with the whole world starting afresh with us. 
Well, that's what I'm aiming to do anyway.
Nevertheless, I don't think there's anything wrong with looking back on the last year and giving it a bit of a conclusion.. ( I just don't think it has to be done on January 1st)
I started 2015 having quit my VM job in retail because 'I'm never going to spend another Christmas in retail' Oh the Irony and was blogging full - time whilst going through the long and laborious application process for my current role as a student paramedic. 
I regret not taking the blogging more seriously and I regret not being more creative with it. I don't feel like I'll ever have that opportunity to 'give it a go' again, and unless one of my posts ends up on buzzfeed and I suddenly become 'big time' this will stay as a 'hobby' for the forseeable future. 
I ended the year by not only working over Christmas but also Christmas day itself and of course New Years Eve amongst alloftheotherdaysandnights, by finding myself overwhelmed with exhaustion and aching all over after attempting to put life back into a patient who passed away in front of me. 
My eyes have been well and truly opened to the realities of the life that we live and the fragility of life itself now haunts me on a daily basis. 
I've seen life escape, and I've seen it begin to exist.
We are so lucky to have this opportunity to create, to learn and to love for however long it may last. 
Let's vow to look after ourselves, to listen to ourselves and to make decisions based on our health and happiness, not just 'being skinny for holiday photo's'. There's so much life in every single one of us, why not continue our growth throughout the year, not just on January 1st.
Let's read, learn, get enough sleep and spend time with those we love. Let's make ourselves proud, spread kindness and be thankful for all that we have. 
Let's really live, rather than just being alive.

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