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Thursday, 22 October 2015

Why I'm Done With Saying Yes

I've kind of made the decision that I'm just done with saying 'yes' to stuff that I don't want to say yes to. I know this might not sound like groundbreaking stuff but let me just ask you a question: How many times have you agreed to something, or gone to something, or bought something, or eaten something or forced yourself to get up and do something even when your very core is screaming out for you to do the opposite?
I'm not necessarily talking huge life changing things here but even perhaps, forcing yourself to stay up for an extra hour to reply to a few more emails, attending an event because you really 'should' go, or even putting yourself in a situation you don't want to be in because if you don't you might 'disappoint' someone.. sound familiar?
Perhaps the phrase 'burnout' sounds familiar too.
Now, I'm not stupid.. (most of the time) and I know that actually, part of being an adult is doing stuff that we don't really want to do.. like... taking the bins out, or not going out for another Nando's this week because omgthosepeasthough. (Seriously.. try the peas, I'm a pea convert) And as much as I'd like to quit doing adult life and never have to look at a bowl of washing up again, I'm trying to get at something that's a bit more than that.. something that's bigger, something that's consuming and kind of heavy.
I think most of this boils down to the constant need to keep everything ticking.. to keep my head above water and to please as many people (including myself) as I can and I think that because I find myself constantly concerned about the impression I give off, I'm more likely to push myself harder than perhaps is good for me.
I'm hard on myself if I don't get a blog post out on time. I'm hard on myself if I put a bit of weight on. I'm hard on myself if my hair does that weird frizzy thing at the ends because I didn't have time to straighten it. I'm hard on myself if I don't look the way everyone else does in chunky knits and over the knee boots. I'm hard on myself if I don't get chance to reply to all of my emails. I'm hard on myself if I miss events because I'm too tired from work. I'm hard on myself if I don't see my friends often enough. I'm hard on myself if I find it hard to move on from a particular job at work. I'm hard on myself if I don't always say exactly the right thing. I'm hard on myself if I forget an important date.
My point is, I'm hard enough on myself without worrying about what other people think and actually, I'm pretty sure that about 98% of that horrible, heavy, anxious and consuming feeling is down to the  fact that actually.. we aren't really listening to ourselves, but to all of the other voices whether that be friends, family... work colleges... I can't even count the amount of times that I've done something or gone somewhere when my soul is pretty much crying out for sleep because of a fear of being 'boring' or 'lazy' or perhaps of 'losing out' on a business opportunity and actually.. I'm kind of done with it
If I've learnt anything over the past few months it's that the human body & mind is bloody amazing, so why don't we listen to it? Sure sometimes I crave pizza and I'm pretty sure that if I listened to that craving every time it happens I'd have some pretty serious health problems by now but when it comes to general well-being and giving myself a break? Well I think that it's about time that I listened to that whispering voice in the background of all of my bad decisions and actually just slow down for a second.
I think that part of this issue with 'slowing down' is fear. I'm scared that I'll be missing out. I'm scared that people will forget about me. I'm scared of what people will think. I'm scared that I'll stop getting opportunities. I'm scared that I'll loose friends or readers or viewers etc etc and actually, if you're of a similar mindset, then I feel like it takes a certain level of bravery to allow yourself to actually slow down. I'd like to encourage you to join me, because although, being in the situation yourself it can be quite hard to see... but I'm almost certain that you're doing GREAT and actually.. perhaps slowing down a little might help?
I mean.. I've forced myself to 'chill out' many times precisely because I know that it's what my body needs but yet I'll still find myself, lying in bed and just stressing about allofthethings and isn't it funny how the more that we fill our heads with worries, the less room there is for anything else? I've come to the realisation that it's more about changing my relationship with work, with decision making, with myself and also, with blogging.
You'll notice that I already don't post every day.. I don't keep on top of my instagram as much as I should ( oh look, there I go again) and my 'calibre' of posts and images isn't always as good as I'd like it to be but from now on? I've vowed to cut myself a little slack and not beat myself up about it.
I'm not going to beat myself up if I can't go to an event and I'm not going to beat myself up if I spend all day taking outfit photo's to finally decide that actually the lighting wasn't quite right & never post them. I'm not going to beat myself up when others do better than me, or are involved in campaigns that would be 'totally right' for me, or have more followers than me because guess what: I'm human.
I'm pretty sure that sometimes when we're piling the pressure onto ourselves we manage to forget that fact.... That whole human thing.. y'know?
Oh, and before you tell me that actually you're not piling the pressure on yourself and that it's all totally coming from a million other angles... why not consider the way that you react to that pressure. We've all got things going on.. some more than others but I think that the way that we are able to respond to things is what decides whether we sink or swim. Sometimes I forget about that and I think that I'd rather swim short term but sink long term because I panic that I'm not doing okay but actually.. I'm not doing too bad. 
I'm still working with some awesome brands, I've met some of the best people in the world and am lucky enough to call them my friends, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I recently celebrated a whole 9 years with and I somehow managed to stick at my training long enough to experience what it feels like to help save a life.

- You Are What You Listen To- 
Be Yourself
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18 comments

  1. What a refreshing positive post. We are part of a generation that will always be hard on ourselves no matter what, and as you said it's so important to give yourself time to breathe. Listening to your body is definitely something I need to do more x

    www.ohjanuary.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Ahhh thanks so much girl! So glad you agree x

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  2. You're a fabulous person through and through and I definitely feel you deserve to cut yourself a little slack, so I'm glad you're doing so :) And I think I really really needed to read this post right now. So thank you for that xo

    Fii | little miss fii

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    1. YOU ARE TOO NICE! but so glad you enjoyed the post! X

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  3. I've been saying yes to loads of things I don't actually want to do, in the name of not disappointing people, or in the name of not being judged by others, or in the name of fitting in. The excuses are endless TBH. Thank you ally for this post! It really came at the right time! I have to start cutting myself some slack, and taking care
    Of myself the way you say you wanna take care of yourself.
    Thank you for sharing these with your readers! Xx

    Carina / Running White Horses

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    1. Story of my life girl! Awh, thank YOU for reading it and for commenting! X

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  4. Always so proud of you Ally, you are amazing <3 I completely understand how you feel, look after yourself firstly lovely and you always have your blundergang here

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Food Beauty

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  5. Gurrrrrl I am so with you! We all need a break every now and then, and learning that it's okay to say no to the occasional thing will give us more time to make sure we're happy and healthy :)

    Claire | Stylingo.co.uk | xx

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  6. This is so good - you're right, sometimes you just have to do things for yourself a slow down a bit. I totally believe in looking after yourself and taking time for yourself. Great post! xx Roxanne

    www.roxandroses,com



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  7. All of the above!! I'm having the same realisation at the moment, that I don't need to do everything and be at all the events and all the meet ups because it just burns me out. I need balance and priority rather than fear of missing out on something! x

    Jasmin Charlotte

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    1. It can be so easy to feel overwhelmed can't it! I think it's to do with the kind of lifestyle we all live now... but sometimes there's just TOO much! X

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  8. Completely agree with this post! I'm having the same thoughts. I've taken on board a bit too much recently, and it's taking the enjoyment out of blogging. Having moved to London means that life is flying by a hundred times faster than before. Having a full time job, being out of the house 11 hours a day, it getting dark at 5pm, having visitors every weekend or going elsewhere, trying to reply to emails or get blog posts done on my lunch break... it's all getting a bit too much! I hate disappointing people too, so I think I need to balance my workload more, and if that means saying no occasionally, so be it :) xx

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    1. Yeah I bet London kind of adds to all of the things! I think that's totally what it is though, it's like a fear of disappointing people... and also ourselves I guess, not being able to keep up with something that we've worked so hard to build, but yeah, I think we all could do with a bit of balance eh!
      Thanks for reading :)
      x

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